November 4, 2009
-
Dear John…er, Wallpaper,
Dear Wallpaper,
This is very hard for me to write, but the time has come. Believe me when I say this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you…really…but the truth can no longer be denied. It’s time for us to split.
What’s it been… 22 1/2 years? That’s, like, a bunch of my life. Guess you could say we’ve had a long-term relationship. And gosh, wallpaper, we’ve had some good times together. And I admit that I’m going to miss you. Even though you’ve caused me trouble sometimes….like when your seams came unstuck…I liked you so much that I was determined to make it work. I just rolled up my sleeves and got busy and soon, with a little stick-to-it-iveness, we were right back the way we started…tight, you know? But this time is different.
Before you go chastising yourself, let me just confess that this really isn’t your fault. I take all the blame. Call me fickle, if you like, but I am just tired of this relationship. I guess it’s just the sameness, day in and day out, of looking at your same old stripes and your same old faded flowers, and you just sitting there looking back at me. I feel the need for something new….something different…something fresh!
If it is any comfort at all, let me just say that I’m NOT going to rip you off. When I was a younger woman, living in other houses, that’s what I would have done. Out would come the water and the stinking vinegar and the putty knife and the fingernails, and I’d go at you with a vengeance, peeling you apart, piece by piece. But trying to go back and start over, with a bare slate, just isn’t something I crave any longer. No, this time I’m going to just leave you there. So, maybe breaking up won’t be so hard on you, after all! You’ll still be here; you just won’t be able to see me…and (thank goodness) I won’t be able to see you.
Hey, it just hit me! We’re not really breaking up….you’re just getting a makeover! A little paint here, a little putty there, cover it all with a nice new glaze and voila! Once you’re wearing your new look, I just know the love will be back. We’ll pick right up where we left off, cooking breakfast together, hanging around in the kitchen and the dining room…but it will feel good again.
Oh, I feel so much better about this now. Forget all that stuff I said, wallpaper….we’ll be together forever!
Love,
Me
Comments (13)
Oh, see…now I feel bad. I was not so compassionate about my relationship with my other room’s wallpaper. I spend DAYS poking holes, using Dave’s sprayer filled with organic chemical that had been heated, and sprayed and scraped. I repeated this process over and over again. I also enlisted the help of anyone that walked into my house. All of this until yards and yards of the baby blue wallpaper had disappeard. All the time, asking myself…how DID baby blue wallpaper even get in my bedroom. Now, I am down to a very small area of wallpaper left in my house. Actually, I can see it out of the corner of my eye right now. It’s always there, looking at me. Like it knows. Like it realizes that when Larry gets back in town, there will be a change. Because, right on top of his Honey-Do list is the words….Paint living room and dining area. Below that statement, is the words all in capital letters….RIP DOWN WALLPAPER-GRRRRRR. There it is. No making-nice with my wallpaper. I have chosen the alternate route…pure aggressiveness! Although, I do now regret letting Dave put up the wallpaper using the glue on the back of the paper, PLUS a slathering layer of wallpaper paste on the back of it. That, I suspect, will not be the best news Larry will ever hear. I believe that I will keep that little tid-bit of information to myself. AND, I believe that I will have to be at work the day the wallpaper comes down. Maybe I could be nicer to my wallpaper, but I am pretty sure that the demise of our wallpaper WILL hurt Larry much more than it will hurt the wallpaper!
I love it!!!! Thanks for a day brightener.
And just think. A hundred years from now when some loving soul comes along to restore your beautiful then-old home, they’ll find the edges of that wallpaper and think, How sweet!
Sue Ann is right…that’s the best thing from a preservationist view, but man-o-man, all I can think about are the potential problems of paint over wallpaper. You’re a brave one!
Hope there is some new product out there if you are going to paint over wall paper….Good luck! We just ripped and soaked and scrapped all of ours.
Did love your original story and sad good bye to the paper.
Please don’t laugh!! My kitchen wall covering was put on by ME, when we built this house 35 years ago. It’s still just like new!!! It’s rust, avacado green and other colors to match those. Has the tiny little string looking squares on the back of vinyl. A while back, I needed to repair a spot, where we’d taken out an old intercom system. I still had an extra role in the basement. When I unrolled enough to patch the repair spot, you couldn’t tell the difference in the color from what had been on the wall and what had been on the new roll…..ALL THESE YEARS!! If I leave it there long enough, I feel SURE those colors will return in popularity. I’ll let someone else change it after I go to the retirement home. (o; Now…….Do you want to discuss the pink bedroom carpet and drapes in my daughter’s former room? She’s now 40!!!! LOL
that is clever
I love this, Jan! Clever is the perfect word. PLEASE be sure to post photos of the new walls! I’m excited about your renovations and can’t wait to see them. Your house was already beautiful, but this will make it even prettier!
Enjoyed your post. Thank goodness I don’t have any wallpaper in my house. Isn’t there something tht you paint over the wallpaper before you put the regular paint on??? or ae you just going to put on more paper? Have fun.
Clever post! If I owned this house I’d be giving Wallpaper the ol super duper makeover too.
Very clever! I once scraped and steamed 12 layers of wallpaper from the d/r room walls of an old house we bought. Some of it came off like cardboard and the 12 layers were easily counted. We rented a steamer made for that purpose. needless to say we did not hang any paper in that room but had the walls textured.
Creative post, made my 1st laugh of the day.
I stumbled on your post while blog surfing! It cracks me up! Thanks for the chuckle!
I know some wallpaper like that—been up since the 70′s in this house though I’ve only been here since 1995 and I will have trouble parting with it when the time comes because it was one of the things I liked so much when we moved in. It might last a few more years…