June 3, 2008

• ….I had a deprived childhood. No, it wasn’t deprivation in the sense of material goods or physical needs, for our parents provided all those things for my two brothers and me. We had plenty of food, clothing and shelter, as well as an abundance of affection and love. But there was one thing that they simply could not give us….cousins. And that deficiency was closely tied to another missing ingredient in our lives: aunts and uncles. For Mom and Dad were both only children. They couldn’t help it; it just happened that way, and it left us deprived.

  I’ve never known anyone else who had this problem. All my friends had cousins by the dozens, courtesy of several doting aunts and funny uncles. On holidays, weekends and summer vacations, they would talk with excitement about going to visit those relatives, taking trips together, or going to large family reunions. It always sounded like a big, happy party, one to which I would never be invited. Never mind the fact that I was kin to half the county. It just was not the same.

  My grandmother was one of those lucky ones who grew up surrounded by scores of extended family members. Both of her parents came from large families, and most of them settled and stayed in the same general area, right here in Ozark County. In her later years, she talked lovingly of all the coming and going between their homes, of staying with her aunts to help with newborn babies, of attending a school made up of mostly cousins, of elopements and scandals, marriages and deaths, good times and bad. The theme running through all Grandmother’s stories was the common thread of family.

  After years of listening to her stories, all of which related to Grandmother’s cousins, I decided to get the remaining ones together. Together, she and I planned a reunion of Pitchford cousins, knowing there wasn’t a place large enough in Ozark County to hold both sides of her family. We had a wonderful response and filled a fellowship hall with memories, laughter, food and fun. It was a highlight that she enjoyed recalling until she passed away last year.

  At that reunion, as I looked around at the sweet, smiling faces of Grandmother and her aging cousins, happily telling their stories and recalling old times, I claimed them all for myself. I told the group that although I’d never be able to have a first cousin, the first-once-removeds, seconds, thirds and so on were family all the same, and they would fill the void I’d always felt.

  Grandmother’s list of cousins is dwindling in number. Like her, several of them have gone on to their reward, the latest being taken only last week. As I sat at Doin Pitchford’s funeral yesterday, I couldn’t help thinking about the reunion we had, how I had finally found my cousins, and now was having to give up one of them so soon. It gave me a real sense of loss.

  But in just an instant, that sense of loss was replaced with a feeling of surprise and happiness as I realized that in the same week of losing one cousin, I had found a new one! For in my genealogy research on the internet, I had come into contact with a cousin I’d not known I had.

                            

  (l to r: me, April, and Sue Ann, another cousin from another tree branch…Sue Ann and I are third cousins, once removed, and happen to have been lifelong best friends)                        

  April comes from another branch of the family tree and lives hundreds of miles away from here, yet she shares a deep interest in family history with me. And her interest was strong enough to inspire her to drive to Missouri last weekend to meet me!

                                    

  On Sunday, we came face to face. According to our calculations, April and I are second cousins, once removed, but that is just a technicality. In all the ways that count, we are full-fledged cousins. Throughout the afternoon, as we made the rounds of cemeteries…

                              

   and family landmarks…

                             

  (that’s April in front of her grandpa’s country store at Sycamore, MO)

  and then pored over old pictures and memorabilia, we discovered that we share more than a common set of ancestors. We are close to the same age, both love to read, make quilts and raise flowers, and each has one son and two daughters and gave one daughter the same name.

                                     

  (We found the grave of an ancestor for which we weren’t even looking…icing on our cake!)

  The similarities don’t end there, and suddenly….I have a cousin! Not just one claimed from my grandmother, but one who is a lot like me, one I’ll get to enjoy having for years to come (Lord willing.) Finally, I can say truthfully that I no longer feel deprived. In addition to the ones I claimed from Grandmother, I now have my very own cousin. Now I feel rich!

                                      

  And now, in case you’re wondering what is blooming along the roadsides of Ozark County,

                              

  here are some pretty flowers!

                               

  Can you see the bee on the echinacea bloom above? Isn’t it good to see him?

                                    

  Have a good week….and if you’d like, please share your favorite cousin story with me!

   

   

   

  • 11:29 am
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